Don't blame Shuyal portals for megalomaniac gerbils. That's what happens when you turn carrots into intercontinental ballistic missile.Originally Posted by konafez
Don't blame Shuyal portals for megalomaniac gerbils. That's what happens when you turn carrots into intercontinental ballistic missile.
#outofthanks
What's that acronym?
I used to believe that konafez was doing the right thing, but now, I can firmly believe he is unfit for presidency. He speaks about preventing mutation and yet he himself experiments with forces ruining our nutritious veggies and harming animals. His attempts to seclude notts and relentless pursuit of Hoxx makes his intentions questionable . If He were to be elected as president, who knows what unbalance would the world (s) go into.
#BurntheBakery
Today wile visiting the shaul regional sanitarium and puzzle box factory , I spoke to professor Oblong . I was told that the term "crazy" should not be used, I should have used the term "pathologically high spirited"
The thin line between entertainment and war
There'll be no shelter here
'nuff said!
Dear Sir/Madam;
Attached is a recent article from Shuyal Times for your perusal.
--
Lifestyle
THE AGE OF SPIKES AND LEATHER
Kelys (5/27). Social scientists argued that the recent trend of spike-encrusted jewelry may not have a botanical root, but a musical one instead.
As parents rallied against sale of durian-based food at social gatherings where many adolescent Shuyalites congregate, sociologists from Central Laboratories for Observation of Wizarding Nature (CLOWN) suggested that these concerns are misdirected.
"Durian foodstuffs have nothing to do with the adoption of spikes and leather outfit by the young," CLOWN's Professor Latex told Shuyal Times. "It would be like saying cakes make teenagers crumbly and sticky, or french fries make them greasy and salty. It makes no sense."
He said that the trend had developed along with the growing popularity of the musical genre stone. Stone music, which had gained its name from its gritty, edgy quality, had started as an underground movement, played in abandoned buildings and deep in the woods. As it grew in following, the musical establishment began to notice. Soon, concerts showcasing prominent stone bands like Staves 'n Roses and Tumbling Boulder were organized to sold-out headbanging crowd dressed in black leather and metal spikes.
"The leather and spikes used to symbolize oppression," vanity designer Spandex added, "Later on, it became a kind of a banner, a show of affiliation, or affectation."
Parents were not easily convinced, however. "All I know is my baby came home very late one night, looking like Samael, smelling like durian and refusing to talk to us. You can't tell me there's no correlation," said Gimmix, mother of 16 year old Tumbling Boulder fan Fedex.
Professor Latex said that if parents had only cared to survey stone music concerts, they would find that stalls ringing the open fields where such event commonly takes place (closed indoor space like regular concert halls gets too hot and too malodorous very quickly) are usually selling soft durian-based food stuffs. "Durian ice cream, smoothies, petit fours, pralines, fudge, iced lollies, cake, nougat, crepe, durian-inna-bun...."
In fact, Spandex said, the only nod to the fruit's hard, spiky exterior is probably A Girl's Best Friend, a discreet stall selling durian skin-inspired anti-harrassment gloves, handbag, elbow-, shoulder- and knee-protectors as well as other articles of clothing of a more personal nature. But sales of these items, Spandex said, are well below those of the food stuffs.
"You don't go to stone concerts to get into fights," said Fedex, a girl with thick mascara and triple piercings on the bottom lip. "Besides if you can't even Frost Bolt and Fireball stun any guy who's stupid enough to think he can get away with a grope, you'll be the laughingstock of everyone in school."
Concert security had even banned certain A Girl's Best Friend's merchandise since the incident where a member of Staves 'n Roses crew was injured when an over enthusiastic female fan had flung her durian-skin chest protector scribbled with the pentagram of her home address onto the stage.
"Honestly, Mom, you worry too much," Fedex said at the conclusion of the interview. "It's just hex, durian and rock and roll in those concerts."
--
Epilogue:
...somewhere deep in CLOWN laboratory complex Prof. Latex could be seen still listing the durian-based food items sold at concerts: "...durian and sticky rice; banana stew with durian-laced coconut milk; fruit and jelly bowl with shaved ice topped with durian and condensed milk; chocolate-dipped durian crisps...."
Last edited by ilhanna; 05-27-2016 at 06:42 AM.
As conditions are not favourable I decide to fuse my party with Kona
Hail kona hail cake seal the beans
Reading this as 1am confused me so much. Now I see you have gone to the dark side.. Dark-Chocolate cake side that is.
Time for bed!
- (un) Retired -
Yummy dark chocolate cake!!!
news flash
Researchers at the Foundation for Overtly Anomalous Munchies (FOAM) , announced today the discovery of mad durian disease. A condition running rampant among the nottian community
Dr Hamburgertrane, head of FOAM made this statement today
"Its like DDT, asbestos and chipolata. Not enough research was done . Everything is fine one day, then the next thing you know nott are wrapping there heads in aluminum foil and jumping up and down screaming " I'm a lumberjack!" , its out of control. Today I was called in to handle a group of nottians that were arguing about poor tire ware ...we don't even have cars!"
In other news
Several familys living near the new portal testing facility run by the International Portal Facilities for Fiber Fractionation Technology ( I PFFFT) have started a class action law suit. The suit states "catastrophic over spills of portal energy are causing mutation of local familys"
More to come on this breaking story
The thin line between entertainment and war
There'll be no shelter here
LOL thanks, Raia. I had a lot of fun writing them.Ilhanna you never fail to amaze me with your storiesi love it!!! ahahaha
Ilhanna, you are so funny and creative, I'm alwase impressed by you
The thin line between entertainment and war
There'll be no shelter here
Healthnews flash
Researchers at the Foundation for Overtly Anomalous Munchies (FOAM) , announced today the discovery of mad durian disease. A condition running rampant among the nottian community
Dr Hamburgertrane, head of FOAM made this statement today
"Its like DDT, asbestos and chipolata. Not enough research was done . Everything is fine one day, then the next thing you know nott are wrapping there heads in aluminum foil and jumping up and down screaming " I'm a lumberjack!" , its out of control. Today I was called in to handle a group of nottians that were arguing about poor tire ware ...we don't even have cars!"
In other news
Several familys living near the new portal testing facility run by the International Portal Facilities for Fiber Fractionation Technology ( I PFFFT) have started a class action law suit. The suit states "catastrophic over spills of portal energy are causing mutation of local familys"
More to come on this breaking story
ALLERGY SUSPECTED AT ROOT OF MASS HALLUCINATION
Kelys (5/31). School of Tactical Investigation of Non-native Kitchen (STINK) reveals that allergic reaction to grain and dairy products in Arlorian cakes is the cause of widespread mass hallucination among the Notts. They suggested that further encroachment of Arlorian cake into Nott dietary regime might lead to dire consequences.
Dr Schmux of STINK told the press on Monday that the Nott's gastro-intestinal tract does not produce the enzymes that can properly digest gluten in flour and dairy product like milk, butter, cream and cheese in imported Arlorian cakes. "Our stomach is wired for bat milk and Shadowfang egg," he said.
This deficiency results in an allergic reaction that manifests itself neurologically as hallucination. Owing to the Nott's physiology that allows them to manipulate the elements for magical purposes, this reaction can jump from one individual to another, causing an epidemic of mass hallucination.
A number of cases of mass hallucination had been so severe that whole cities have to be quarantined to prevent more Notts from believing they are round, yellow, and love bananas.
STINK believes that further consumption of Arlorian cakes might lead to even more dire consequences. "Kelys General reported an outbreak of a strange condition where Nott regulars of Arlorian bakeries have turned tan and developed these appendages on their feet... What are they called? Oh, yes, toes," Schmux said.
Another more sinister symptom of Arlorian food allergy is diminishing magical ability. "We've seen sad cases where a Nott tried to cast Frost Bolt and only managed lukewarm water. Also some cases where they tried Gale Force and only produced...um...flatulence."
"Other Arlorian food imports are all right," Schmux went on. "I understand it will be a wrench for the Notts to stop their durian habit, for instance. Durians are natural and healthy. Just don't whip durians into cakes and ice cream. These products were so popular among durian afficionados. But what they didn't know is, too much cake and ice cream can turn their shield into soap bubble."
---
Economy
SKYROCKETING VALUES OF NEAR PORTAL PROPERTY
Kraag (5/31). Owners of estates situated near transdimensional portals are enjoying sharp spikes of value since news of magic spillage leaks out.
While scientists puzzled over strange mutation and deformation of people living near transdimensional portals, Arlorians, with their unerring instinct for business opportunities, are competing with each other to seize just this kind of property.
"I'm hearing cases where farmer [near transdimensional portals] are growing ten feet carrots," said Garth Beans, a vegetable grower from Ydra. "Think about it. Boulder-sized potatoes!"
"I read reports about animals living for a long time near transdimensional portals acquiring the ability to speak," Eulalie Stork of Windmoore, owner of prize-winning pedigree cats, said. "I would love to have my babies be able to talk to me."
"They probably will just rant because you had them neutered, honey," her husband Daniel Stork said. "Me, I'm just interested in trees living near transdimensional portals that produce magic timber. You know, if you make them into wardrobes, they open into another world where you can be king, that sort of thing. Could make a fortune out of that."
Whether transdimensional portals are really causing serious mutation, property owners around them are looking into a veritable nest egg as their estates continue to soar in value
---
Last edited by ilhanna; 05-31-2016 at 10:53 AM.
I have met some of the best people through this
Hanna is got to be one of the most creative and funny people I have ever met
Coffeegirl is awesome
Befs is just the greatest (even when I try to shake him till he gives up mana)
Hail is very cool, we went jewel hunting together
Horde is a very nice person
Coalhouse is a freakin nut! (And should turn his friend requests on so I can friend him)
Raia is one of the sweetest people you could ever meet
Its so great to get to play with you cool people
we now return you to your regularly scheduled mud slinging, already in progress
..nd let's face it, Hail has become bitter and crazy. If he wins he will come into your house at night, and wreck up the place, and sell your organs to zoo's for meat! And befs takes candy from children and kicks puppys!
And we all know ilhanna wants to put in all these portals so she can ship all the jobs to a parallel dimension! I also have first hand information that ilhanna has gone to the dark side of baking..projectile bagels , exploding pies, she baked a muffin that stole my car! I have seen the aftermath of her "yeast roll grenades" and its not pretty...
Remember ..I was there during the great cake shortage (and yes I was partially responsible for it) .but I was there for you! Hail would burn the bakerys and cut off our cake supply, and ilhanna says "durians are from the earth, and good for you!" I say uranium is from the earth too! But I'm not going to try eating it! (Though if you baked it into a cake.....)
On election day remember... make arlor cake, again!
The thin line between entertainment and war
There'll be no shelter here
I promise to stop the shipping of jobs to parallel dimensions, I will not let all the good farming jobs be outsourced to giant angry squid!
The thin line between entertainment and war
There'll be no shelter here
SCIENTISTS: KONA BETRAYED US!
A broken oven at CRAB laboratory bears witness to the rage of the think tank's best minds
Kraag (6/2). Scientists from Center for Research of Aggressive Baking (CRAB) denied allegation made by presidential hopeful Konafez that they are financed by Ilhanna, another contender in the race. They suspected foul play from the leading presidential candidate and withdrew their support.
CRAB Director Professor Scuttle told the press that his agency is aware of Ilhanna's interest in alternative defense system. "However, she has mainly supported research into weaponized durian and has given the study of offensive bread a very wide berth."
He said that CRAB was shocked by Konafez insinuation that they had gained support for their research from Ilhanna. "It is a betrayal of our long and fruitful relationship with [Konafez]," he said.
"We are the leading authority in the field of ballistic bread, with world-renown experts in brownie bombs, eclair explosives, muffin munitions, and those specialty items like C4 [chocolate cream caramel cake] and radioactive rolls," explained Scuttle. "Naturally, having a shared interest in baked goods, Konafez has for a long time been involved in our work, having served as chief taster, chief tester, chef advisor, and lastly, chairman of the board of cakeholders."
Konafez had reportedly left CRAB to focus on his political dreams. "He had the full support of the agency when he announced his candidacy," Scuttle said. "But after news got out of how Arlorian cakes are bad for Notts, and the Shuyalites are now suspecting Konafez of conspiracy to undermine their magic, I suppose his idea of damage control is to put the blame for weaponized grain products on Ilhanna."
"But our team felt deeply disappointed with this disavowal. Not only has Konafez been washing his hands of any involvement in the plan for, for instance, incendiary cream puff and fudge grenade, he all but thrown us to the angry Shuyalites as party to blame for all that was wrong about cakes."
Scuttle said CRAB laboratories had been picketed by protesters from Rogues Against Misuse of Baked Ordnance, Warriors Against Rogue Tarts, Sorcerers League to Oppose Bread, and Mothers Against Creamy Explosion. The complex had also suffered minor case of vandalism. "We keep finding gingerbread men stuck with needles."
"Some scientists had even been upset enough to destroy their forge...I mean oven," Scuttle said. "I hope that Konafez will soon see the errors of his ways, come clean and make his apologies. Or we will make sure that voters will see just what sort a two-faced crook he is."
Candidates Ilhanna and Konafez had been unaivailable for comment at the time this article went to press.
CRACKDOWN ON INSURANCE FRAUD REVEALS HIGH PROFILE PLAYERS
Kraag (6/2). Kraag Metro Police Department announced on Wednesday that a presidential candidate may have been involved in an insurance fraud.
"We have apprehended a man who we suspected of stealing cars and modifying them to be resold to its owners," sais Chief Inspector Alrgernon. "This practice is done in order to claim the car insurance."
According to the police the suspect, identified by his initials as AH, had decided to join the witness protection program in hopes of a lighter sentence. "In exchange he had submitted names of the people who paid him for this service. Some of them are people of rank and importance, even a presidential candidate."
While refusing to reveal the names, police has issued data of reported car theft in the past few weeks. Among the names listed in the document is presidential candidate Konafez.
Konafez had reported his car stolen by some special muffin last week.
We have cars in Arlor?
Yes, Mr gearloose drives a 2016 arlorianroaster , and if you notice ..he has installed a portal in his garage...hmmmmmWe have cars in Arlor?
The thin line between entertainment and war
There'll be no shelter here
Probably allergic reaction to gluten and lactose. Or election-related stresses.We have cars in Arlor?
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