Three Tips to a Good Marriage
Hello, all:
I read several posts about marriage, and some of you may not be sure if this is right for you. What I can say is that if you find the right person, then marriage is the way to go. On the other hand, with the wrong person, marriage can be a bigger nightmare than trying to complete Mt. Fang with inferior equipment.
I've been married for 11 years now, and we have a fantastic son. And I like being married. Yes, we get into fights and there are those days where I look at my wife and say to myself, "What did I do," there are far more days when I say, "I'm glad I did it."
So, I'd like to provide some tips for those of you who are looking to get married. And for those of you where this may be a distant event, don't let anyone tell you that marriage is no fun. Remember, just because THEIR marriage is not good, that does not mean that YOUR marriage has to be that way.
So, here are some guidelines.
1. Marriage is work. You know that movie Cinderella? The one where the prince and Cinderella dance at the ball and "live happily ever after?" Well, guess what. The ball is the wedding reception. They are about to go on their honeymoon. You never see the sequel where Cinderella is complaining because she has "nothing to wear" and the birds don't even want to be around her. Or how Prince Charming is wondering where his dinner is after a long, hard day of, well, being Prince Charming.
If you want your marriage to work, you have to work your marriage. This may sound like a statement without passion, but let me tell you, after the honeymoon and the first year (if not sooner), all of those cutesy things fade fast, and you have to put in time to keep the passion going. Have (and yes schedule) a date night. With kids, this is even tougher, but if you put the time in, you'll get a lot out.
2. Communicate before marriage. Many times, people don't really know what their partner wants until after the marriage. The engagement time (more on that later) should really be a time when you decide if that person is THE person for you. So, do the two of you both want kids? If so, how many? Which religions are you? If different, which religion is your children going to have? When do you want to have kids? Where do you want to live? Do you want to live in a house, condo, coop, or apartment? If you have kids, will one of you be a stay-at-home parent?
Yes, these are just a sampling of questions you MUST ask to have a good marriage. Many times, I hear that a person doesn't want to bring these topics up, and the person will discuss them after the marriage. This is a bad move. You should KNOW before you marry this person whether his or her ideals match yours. If not, it is easier (and less costly) to break an engagement than a marriage.
3. Laugh. Marriage is a big deal. On this planet, this is the biggest event of your life. Your job, your kids, and even Pocket Legends are not as big as your marriage. Your marriage becomes your core. You completely redefine what is important to you. In fact, "you" no longer means just you (one person), but the two of you. And yes, you should never lose your identity; however, if there are not significant changes in your life after you get married, that is a red flag.
With that said, marriage, like life, is going to have its good moments and bad moments. Too often, people who get married bail when the times are tough. Those times are when you should stick it out the most. And the key to this is laughter.
If you're a happy person, marry another happy person. And if you're unhappy, get the help you need so that you can become happy. And quite honestly, if you simply want to be unhappy (some people are only happy when they are miserable), don't get married. And if you are someone who is happy, don't marry an unhappy person. You can't make that person happy; on the contrary, their misery will suck the joy out of your very soul.
But, laugh. Laugh at all of life's little mishaps. They are going to come, regardless, but it is how you deal with them that will make or break you.
These are three tips I have to a good marriage. What's yours?
Bronxman2012
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