Guide: How to Deal with Boogeymen

[dudetus]

Hi all! This guide is being built so u can sleep ur nights well and u don't have to worry about Boogeymen under ur bed. I hope this helps u all bedwetting comrads out there like myself.


What are Boogeymen?

Boogeymen are vicious creatures which live under ur bed. If given the chance they will rip off ur heart while u r asleep. These nasty creatures are rumored to be black, but my sources indicate that there are many other colors. No one has actually seen a boogeyman with the ability to tell anyone about it tho. They have vicious claws and fangs. Claws and fangs are confirmed as there have been collected nasty looking teeth and claws in victims. Anything else are urban legends amd rumors.


Preventing Boogeymen

Easiest way to solve a Boogeyman problem is to prevent it to happen. There are few things which prevent boogeymen to even come by u.


1. Cut ur bed's legs

Boogeymen live under beds. How can they live under ur bed if there isn't any room for them to live? That's right, they can't. I suggest sawing the legs off but if ur bed's legs are made from metal, u sir (or madam. I'm not a sovinist) have a problem.

2. Keep ur lights on

Boogeymen are kinda like vampires but instead of sunlight, they go play dead forever by any type of light. If u can't keep ur lights on due to electric bills, for the sake of ur health at least keep a flashlight under ur pillow.


Dealing with current Boogeyman problem

So. The worst has happened. U haven't saw'd ur bed's legs off and u haven't had ur lights on. U hear creepy crawling under ur bed and occasional slurping. A boogeyman slumbers under ur bed, waiting for the perfect moment to strike. Trying to fight back with brute strength (meaning light) is useless at this moment. Light will only hold the boogeyman at bay. U can't and u shouldn't try to attempt sneaky attacks with flashlight since Boogeyman is the master of sneakiness. After Ninja's ofc. The only possible way to kill the boogeyman is to outsmart it. I have developed a brilliant scheme to get rid of boogeyman.

Boogeymen aren't superovernatural. They need to feed. And what are u going to? Feed it. For a week or so, u are going to buy a raw and bloody steak daily and put it on a platter next to ur bed. At first this seems a bit risky but I promise, it will work. I've now killed approximetely 39 boogeymen with this same strategy and I am known as the "boogeybuster" at my hoods. At this point in which u are feeding the boogeyman u must be very cautios. U mustn't sleep with the lights off as the time goes by and u feed the boogeyman it will become greedier and might strike faster than usual. If u are unca Scrooge, sleep in a closet. Boogeymen's territory is the bed. They cannot find u anywhere else. If u don't have large enough closet for u to fit in, I recommend sleeping with a friend, mum, cousin, gf, bf, wutevs for the feeding period. Because if ur bed is infected, there might be more in ur house elsewhere. If u don't have any friends, etc, just sleep under the bridge. Keep ur money and phone safe! Those hobos are sneaky.

So, u have now fed the boogeyman for a week. What to do next? Go buy it another steak. But this time poison it with rat poison. AND LOTS OF IT. By the time boogeyman realizes he's officially %×+# it's already too late.


Thank You for reading my guide. I hope it'll save countless lives.