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NoobianOfAlterra
10-16-2011, 08:24 AM
When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris won American Idol using only sign language

Fear of spiders is arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is claustrophobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic

Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.

Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.

Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards

Once the cop pulled over Chuck Norris....the cop was lucky to leave with a warning.

When Chuck Norris pokes you on Facebook you can feel it

When Chuck Norris played the card game War with a friend, France surrendered.

Did you know Chuck Norris had a role in Star Wars......he was the force.

There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death, he beats it fair and square.

Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.

When Chuck Norris rides into the sunset, the sun is actually running from him.

Chuck Norris grew a beard at the age of eighteen. Seconds.

Chuck Norris uses paper to cut scissors.

Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.

Chuck Norris does not have a middle name, nobody gets between Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afriad to move.

Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.

Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

Few people can go down Niagra Falls in a barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagra Falls in a carboard box.

Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it

When Chuck Norris jumps, gravity pulls a muscle.

When Chuck Norris plays scrabble, hjdldudhqe IS a real word

Chuck Norris got into a knife fight. The knife lost.

Chuck Norris finished the Never Ending Story.

Chuck Norris doesn't have a shadow. His shadow isn't stupid enough to follow him around.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris didnt have to watch the movie "Knowing". He already knew.

some have killed two birds with one stone... Chuck Norris killed two stones with one bird.

An eclipse is just the suns attempt to hide from Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris once did steroids, and the pills got stronger.

Chuck Norris was bitten by a werewolf. When full moon came, the werewolf turned into Chuck Norris.

chuck norris once gave a box of his old watches to a group of kids. these kids are now known as the power rangers

Cancer gets checked for Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris made Journey stop beleiving

There is no CTRL key on Chuck Norris' keyboard cause Chuck Norris is always in control.

Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience. Death still won't talk about it.

People invented cars to get away from Chuck Norris, then they invented airplanes because they thought Chuck Norris couldn't fly.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

Chuck Norris's e-mail adress is Yahoo@ChuckNorris.com

Chuck Norris has never caught a cold. How do we know? Colds still exist.

Chuck Norris does'nt turn on the lights, he turns off the dark.

Chuck Norris can do a downward uppercut.

Chuck Norris leaves messages before the beep.

Chuck Norris wears sun glasses to protect the sun from his eyes.


from http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/chuck-norris-top-50-facts :D

starsavior
10-16-2011, 09:07 AM
Lolololololol!!!

Phoenixking
10-16-2011, 09:20 AM
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a horse there decendents are know. As giraffes
Chuck Norris doesnt read a book he just stares at it till he scares the info ot of it
Chuck Norris doesn't use guns for protection guns use him
It wasn't an asteroid that killed the dinosaurs it was chuck norris

Survivorfan
10-16-2011, 09:26 AM
Lololol
Here's one that made my cousin and me laugh hysterically:

When Alexander Grahm Bell made the telephone, he had three missed calls waiting for him from Chuck Norris.
(not sure if I spelled his name correctly)

SUPAPRODIGY
10-16-2011, 09:49 AM
Chuck Norris can Run around the world So fast he can slap himself on the back of the head....

Phoenixking
10-16-2011, 09:50 AM
Lol supA

bluelink
10-16-2011, 10:18 AM
Dude omg best chuck noris. Jokes ever!!

Cascade
10-16-2011, 10:36 AM
I saw Chuck at D-Land.

Matutd
10-16-2011, 10:58 AM
Chuck Norris' iPod came with a real charger instead of just a USB cord

Cascade
10-16-2011, 11:17 AM
The bible was wrote about chuck Norris. Because seeing the name 'chuck norris' so many times in one book would incinerate the reader. They changed his name to Jesus.


Please change that to a different joke and try to refrain from religious jokes it is easy to offend people.

Lowlyspy
10-16-2011, 11:37 AM
When the Rock said "can you smell what The Rock is cooking" Chuck Norris said "It better be my lunch".

When Chuck Norris was young he had 3 pets; a gecko, a chimpanzee, and a gold fish, we now know these pets as Godzilla, King Kong, and Jaws.

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack, his heart knows better.

Before Chuck Norris was born there was an ancient chinese weapon made of 2 pieces of wood connected by a chain called Nunbarry's, no one ever did find out what happened to Barry

Roc
10-16-2011, 02:33 PM
Ah Chuck Norris, is there a phrase that accurately captures him? :encouragement:

largecommand
10-16-2011, 02:59 PM
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Sassinya
10-16-2011, 03:09 PM
Much needed laughs!!

Piosidon
10-16-2011, 05:21 PM
Chuck Norris!

LIGHTNINGLORD67
10-16-2011, 05:44 PM
The big bang was actually Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking God.

MimeRifle
10-16-2011, 06:03 PM
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

NoobianOfAlterra
10-17-2011, 07:43 PM
Keeep em going!!!! ;) I'll make up one:

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. Books read to him. :

Cascade
10-17-2011, 07:48 PM
Has anyone actually seen Chuck Norris in person? He is a real person btw

LIGHTNINGLORD67
10-17-2011, 09:04 PM
Has anyone actually seen Chuck Norris in person? He is a real person btw

Well I haven't seen him in person, but don't you think we all know he's a real person? Lol.

Haha that website is a total win :P

Piosidon
10-17-2011, 09:10 PM
I have a friend who's related to Chuck Norris (not by blood unfortunately)

Jaymonee
10-18-2011, 08:28 PM
OMG this made me LOL so freakin hard.......I love these jokes. Anyone know how this all started?jw

Lowlyspy
10-19-2011, 01:11 AM
OMG this made me LOL so freakin hard.......I love these jokes. Anyone know how this all started?jw
See, it all started with the big bang in which chuck norris roundhouse kicked god...lol

I got another.

Jack be nimble, jack be quick, but jack can't dodge a chuck norris roundhouse kick.

Handsofmyvodka
10-19-2011, 01:02 PM
The big bang was actually Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking God.
That's not funny plz refrain from religious jokes in the future

Handsofmyvodka
10-19-2011, 06:50 PM
Chuck Norris is the only person who can email a roundhouse kick

Chuck Norris was an only child...eventually

Chuck Norris dosent breath...he holds air hostage

Chuck Norris is the only person who can touch my vodka

Chuck Norris ate a bottle of sleeping pills...they made him wink

If at first you don't succeed you aren't Chuck Norris

A cobra once bit Chuck Norris...after 5 days of excruciating pain...the cobra died.

Those are my facts!!! Enjoy!!

-Quiwundi

Handsofmyvodka
10-28-2011, 12:46 AM
Fear of tight spaces is called claughstrophobia, fear of spiders is called arachnophobia, fear of chuck Norris is called logic

MimeRifle
10-28-2011, 08:43 AM
Chuck Norris would hit that.

Handsofmyvodka
10-28-2011, 08:55 AM
Give my post a thumbs up and chuck Norris will roundhouse kick justin beaber!

RedRyder
10-28-2011, 09:29 AM
Chuck Norris flashed before life's eyes

Eyesharp
10-28-2011, 06:31 PM
LOL!!!! Chuck Norris doesn't use a charger to charge his phone..... he uses raw meat and some staring.Google doesn't find chuck Norris... Chuck Norris finds google.

Piosidon
10-28-2011, 06:45 PM
Chuck Norris's name is always reserved in mmo's

mugen
10-28-2011, 07:14 PM
Chuck Norris went to the virgin islands, now they're just called The islands.


Sent from my 3G Cellosarus using Tapatalk

Lady_Pebbles
10-28-2011, 07:57 PM
I came up with this joke after having a bicycle accident years ago by the lake in Chicago. Long story short., I crashed into one of the big rocks where you sit at and got hurt so I told my family & friends that "I fought with a rock and the rock won. It was trained by Chuck Norris." They all started laughing hard. XD

Nourish
10-28-2011, 08:04 PM
Chuck Norris speaks brail

SuperNas
10-28-2011, 08:17 PM
Chuck Norris speaks brail lol

Lady_Pebbles
10-28-2011, 08:27 PM
The Devil didn't make me do it. Chuck Norris did.

LoL

Jaymonee
10-30-2011, 10:06 PM
Chuck Norris speaks brail

LOL

Garvhoz
10-30-2011, 10:39 PM
The order of the universe is: Space,Time,Chuck Norris...just kidding Chuck Norris goes first

Nes
08-06-2012, 02:25 PM
Chuck Norris's Shadow is also known as the Batman.:rugby:

Roses are red, Violets are Blue; If there's something you're good at, Chuck Norris can do it better than you.:livid:

When Chuck Norris goes out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul.:peaceful:

Kids pee their names into snow, Chuck Norris pees his name into concrete.:suspicion:

Chuck Norris Tears can cure cancer; Too bad he doesn't cry.:orange:

Once a brand of Toilet paper was named after Chuck Norris, Its manufacturing was cancelled as the toilet paper wouldn't take Sh*t from anyone.:eagerness:

Chuck Norris believes in the Man on the Moon because he was the one who threw him there.:biggrin:

Chuck Norris won a staring contest with the Sun and the 4 faces of Mount Rushmore, at the same time.:torn:

Once Chuck Norris took a urinal steroids test, and then tested positive. He then told the doctors, "What do you think they make 'em out of.":vwub:

God said ¨Let there be light.¨Chuck Norris said ¨Say please.¨:disgust:

Wretch
08-08-2012, 06:52 PM
Chuck Norris can Run around the world So fast he can slap himself on the back of the head....

Now there is a real paradox!



Edit: thought this thread was déjà vu....

Noodleleg
08-08-2012, 07:02 PM
Chuck Norris's Shadow is also known as the Batman.:rugby:

Roses are red, Violets are Blue; If there's something you're good at, Chuck Norris can do it better than you.:livid:

When Chuck Norris goes out to eat, he orders a whole chicken, but he only eats its soul.:peaceful:

Kids pee their names into snow, Chuck Norris pees his name into concrete.:suspicion:

Chuck Norris Tears can cure cancer; Too bad he doesn't cry.:orange:

Once a brand of Toilet paper was named after Chuck Norris, Its manufacturing was cancelled as the toilet paper wouldn't take Sh*t from anyone.:eagerness:

Chuck Norris believes in the Man on the Moon because he was the one who threw him there.:biggrin:

Chuck Norris won a staring contest with the Sun and the 4 faces of Mount Rushmore, at the same time.:torn:

Once Chuck Norris took a urinal steroids test, and then tested positive. He then told the doctors, "What do you think they make 'em out of.":vwub:

God said ¨Let there be light.¨Chuck Norris said ¨Say please.¨:disgust:

A guy made a new forum account JUST to Necro this thread...

What has this world come to :/?!?!?!

Lowlyspy
08-08-2012, 07:27 PM
A guy made a new forum account JUST to Necro this thread...

What has this world come to :/?!?!?!

Psh, best thread ever necro'd. Good job new guy!

Wretch
08-08-2012, 07:40 PM
Chuck Norris doesn't get necro'd.... He wills himself back

KingFu
08-08-2012, 07:52 PM
Psh, best thread ever necro'd. Good job new guy!

Not at all. I can't stand Chuck Norris "jokes". Haven't read one that's made me laugh.

Zaonabiuibil
08-08-2012, 07:58 PM
Finally a good necro...

Wretch
08-08-2012, 08:44 PM
Not at all. I can't stand Chuck Norris "jokes". Haven't read one that's made me laugh.

Somebody has obviously crossed Chuck Norris! Lol!

Matutd
08-08-2012, 08:46 PM
Somebody has obviously crossed Chuck Norris! Lol!
In response to your signature: C

Wretch
08-08-2012, 08:51 PM
In response to your signature: C

To further reinforce your deduction..... LIVERPOOL!!!! Lol

Wub ya Matt!

Matutd
08-08-2012, 08:52 PM
To further reinforce your deduction..... LIVERPOOL!!!! Lol

Wub ya Matt!
See, that right there is why I picked C :p

Wretch
08-08-2012, 08:57 PM
See, that right there is why I picked C :p

Severely biased reason to pick C!!! Lol especially knowing the first response I will make! (crappy one at that! Pun intended)....

Still wub ya!

Matutd
08-08-2012, 08:59 PM
Severely biased reason to pick C!!! Lol especially knowing the first response I will make! (crappy one at that! Pun intended)....

Still wub ya!
No offence bro, but I'm too tired to make any sense out of what you just said haha

Matutd
08-08-2012, 09:02 PM
Chuck Norris was originally slated to appear on the first Street Fighter video game until the producers of the game noticed that every button pressed resulted in a roundhouse kick to the face. When asked about the glitch, Chuck Norris replied, ''What glitch?'

Zaonabiuibil
08-08-2012, 09:39 PM
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door

Aracnus
08-08-2012, 09:43 PM
When Chuck Norris goes swimming, he doesn't get wet... the water gets Chuck Norrised

Chuck Norris was involved in a urinating fight at a bar.... His opponent drowned

Lowlyspy
08-09-2012, 02:48 AM
Not at all. I can't stand Chuck Norris "jokes". Haven't read one that's made me laugh.
Ah well, people have their own opinions. Try the other 40 or so forums and see if they tickle your fancy.

http://gifs.gifbin.com/1237811519_chuck-norris-approves.gif