Lemme here some jokes post all you want idc, winner gets Merrymaker Horn SetAttachment 40373
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Lemme here some jokes post all you want idc, winner gets Merrymaker Horn SetAttachment 40373
Two hunters are out in the woods tracking a deer one had just shot. All of a sudden, one of them falls over. After a minute of convulsions, he became still, his eyes glazed over like a breakfast doughnut. The other hunter panics and whips his phone out to call 911.
"Help! My friend fell over and I think he's dead! What can I do?"
The operator says, "Calm down, I can help you. First, lets make sure he's dead."
The hunter drops the phone and a gunshot is heard.
Back on the phone, the hunter says to the operator, "Now what?"
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars, and went to sleep.
In the middle of the night, Holmes woke up Watson and said, "Watson, look at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes said, "What do you deduce from that?" Watson replied, "We'll of there are millions of stars, and if even some of them have planets, there are quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there a a few planets like earth, there might be life."
Holmes angrily said, "Watson you idiot! It means that somebody stole out tent!"
There were 3 boys, Ted, Anthony, and Harlan. They decided to have a contest.
Each boy had to throw their watch at the top of a hill, run down the hill, and catch it at the bottom of the hill before it hits the ground.
Ted threw his watch, ran down, but couldn't catch it.
Harlan was speedier, he hurled his watch, sped down, but couldn't catch it as well.
Anthony threw his watch in the air, walked down the mountain, went to a supermarket, read part of a magazine, got a foot massage, got a a huge pizza, and purchased a suit and bow tie.
He went back to the bottom of the hill and caught his watch.
"How did you do that?!?" Asked Ted and Harlan.
Anthony replied, "My watch is 2 hours slow!"
A woman runs into a doctor’s office and says “DOCTOR! DOCTOR! You have to help me! Everywhere I touch on my body it hurts!”
The doctor replied, “Show me.”
So the woman poked her ankle and screamed of pain. Then she poked her knee and yelled OW. She poked her forehead and screamed again.
She was about to continue when the doctor said, “That’s enough, let me think this over.” He thought for about a minute and said “I think I know what your problem is. You broke your finger.”
God walks over water,
Chuck Norris swims through land.
Two birds walk into a bar...
Here is a kinda long but original joke.
:)
A kid named pepe goes to school one day and the teacher gives out an easy homework assignment. The kids must write 3 short phrases. Pepe goes home and asks his mom.."mom what you doing??.. hey can you give me a phrase for school work?". Mom replies "none of your business ". The boy writes it down. Pepe goes to his dad. "Dad can you give me a phrase for school work? Or il tell mom you dnt help me. Dad replies "I dont care". The boy writes it down. Pepe walks into his Brother's room, as he is watching cartoons. Bro what you watching, can you give me a phrae for school work? Brother replies" Nananananana , Batman". Pepe writes it down.
The next day the teacher checks for homework.
"Pepe, please read out your 3 phrases". Pepe happily reads aloud, "None of your business!".
The teacher looks in shock and tells pepe.. "Young man, read me the phrases or i will send you to the principal's office!". Pepe smiling, replies "I dont Care!". The teacher walks up to him and asks.. "Who do you think you are!".
Pepe happily reads from his paper, "NaNaNaNaNaNaNaNa, BATMAN!".
Hehe
Don't double post.
here are a few short ones:
I renamed my iPod Titanic, it is syncing now.
When chemists die, we Barium. *Reference to periodic table of elements*
Energizer bunny arrested, charged with battery.
@occultformula: I heard dat a gazillion time at friends :P
There were 3 Chinese people, who came to the U.S. they didn't know any English.
So they turned on their radio, and started listening.
First came, "Yes company, we always say yes!"
Chinese No.1 learned "Yes"
Then came an ad, "WE have clean forks n knives! *singing* Forks n knives forks n knives!"
Chinese No.2 learned "Forks n Knives, Forks n Knives!"
Then came a trash ad, "Call 871 today! We clean your trash! *song* In the dumpster, in the dumpster!"
Chinese No.3 learned "In the dumpster, in the dumpster!"
They all went to a restaurant.
A waiter came and said, @ would you like to eat kind sirs?"
Chinese No.1 replied, "Yes."
Waiter said, "What would you like to eat?"
Chinese No.2 said, "Forks'N'Knives, Forks'N'Knives!"
Waiter became puzzled, and asked one more time, "Where would you like to eat?
Chinese No.3 said, "In the dumpster, in THE DUMPSTER."
All three of them got kicked out of the restaurant, and they wandered until they came to a crime scene.
A reporter asked them, "Did you kill this boy?", holding a poster.
Chinese 1, "Yes."
Baffled and angry, "WHAT DID YOU KILL HIM WITH?!" Shouted the reporter.
Chinese 2 gleefully said, "Forks'N'Knives, Forks'N'Knives!!"
A police officer came and said, "Where did you put the boys dead body?"
Chinese 3 said smiling, "In da dumpster, IN DA DUMPSTER!"
:D
I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
So two Irish guys walk out of a bar...Quote:
Originally Posted by TEOKILLO
Trust me, it can happen.
Three swans walk into a bar. The fourth one was a duck.
Nice blo u wen fo sure!!!Quote:
Originally Posted by DocDoBig
My Entry:
Let's make kids
1. In Kindergarten, they put you behind a desk and tell you not to break anything. In elementary school, they give you work and tell you that you have to work your hardest and get your act together, because middle school will be a lot harder. In middle school, they give you even harder work and a lot more homework. They tell you that you have to work even harder and you have to really get your act together because high school will be a lot harder. In high school, they pile you up with a ton more work. They tell you that you have to work a lot harder and REALLY get your act together because college will be extremely difficult. In college, they give you the most work so far. They tell you that this is your last chance and you REALLY have to get your act together and work harder than you ever believed you could, because when you get a job, it will be even harder. In your workplace, they put you behind a desk and tell you not to break anything.
2. A three year old walked over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in the doctors office.
He inquisitively ask the lady, "Why is your stomach so big?"
She replied, "I'm having a baby."
With big eyes, he asked, "Is the baby in your stomach?"
She said, "He sure is."
Then the little boy, with a puzzled look, asked, "Is it a good baby?"
She said, "Oh, yes. It's a real good baby."
With an even more surprised and shocked look, he asked...
"Then why did you eat him?"
3. When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C.
The Russians used a pencil.
This is maybe a naughty one but here you go:
2 men are waiting for doctor's appointment and they seem to have the same problem. They have a red ring on their p***s. Doctor comes in and goes with the first guy.
When he comes back he says:
"Oh what a relief, he said it was nothing."
Second guy goes in and doctor does his thing, after he was finished inspecting the p***s he says he has some kind of disorder in his p***s. The first guy is worried and asks why didn't the first guy have any disorder or any problems.
The doctor replies:
"I have been doctor for over 10 years and I can see the difference between lipstick and disorder."
;)
What's red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint.
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
Act 1: An elephant playing electric guitar.
Act 2: A hippo playing drumset.
Act 3: A rhino singing.
What was the name of the play ?
Heavy Metal.
Act 1: A telephone comes bleeding.
Act 2: The telephone comes out bleeding again.
Act3: The same telephone comes out bleeding.
What was the name of the play?
The line got cut.
Act 1: 100 astronauts land on the moon.
Act 2: 1,000 astronauts land on the moon.
Act 3: 10,000 astronauts land on the moon.
What was the name of the play?
Full Moon.
Act 1: A mouse trap.
Act 2: A mouse trap with cheese.
Act 3: A mouse heading towards the cheese
.
What was the name of the play?
The Last Supper.
ends in 4 hours ill be asking some friends to help pick :)