Whoever can make me laugh the hardest, gets 350k. Totally biased on my part, but I need a pick me up, and I'm out of meth.
Kthxbai, I'll announce winner tomorrow.
GOOOO!!
Thread: Gf contest gg.
Gf contest gg.
Whoever can make me laugh the hardest, gets 350k. Totally biased on my part, but I need a pick me up, and I'm out of meth.
Kthxbai, I'll announce winner tomorrow.
GOOOO!!
There were 3 immigrants, who came to the U.S. they didn't know any English. So they turned on their radio, and started listening. First came, "Yes company, we always say yes!" Person No.1 learned "Yes" Then came an ad, "WE have clean forks n knives! *singing* Forks n knives forks n knives!" Person No.2 learned "Forks n Knives, Forks n Knives!" Then came a trash ad, "Call 871 today! We clean your trash! *song* In the dumpster, in the dumpster!" Person No.3 learned "In the dumpster, in the dumpster!"
They all went to a restaurant. A waiter came and said, @ would you like to eat kind sirs?" Person No.1 replied, "Yes." Waiter said, "What would you like to eat?" Person No.2 said, "Forks'N'Knives, Forks'N'Knives!" Waiter became puzzled, and asked one more time, "Where would you like to eat? Person No.3 said, "In the dumpster, in THE DUMPSTER."
All three of them got kicked out of the restaurant, and they wandered until they came to a crime scene. A reporter asked them, "Did you kill this boy?", holding a poster. Person 1, "Yes." Baffled and angry, "WHAT DID YOU KILL HIM WITH?!" Shouted the reporter. Person 2 gleefully said, "Forks'N'Knives, Forks'N'Knives!!" A police officer came and said, "Where did you put the boys dead body?"
Person no.3 said, "In day dumpster, in da dumpster!"
All for One, and One for All!
The Brightest of Flames..cast the Darkest of Shadows..
One who knows nothing cannot understand anything..
1. A woman runs into a doctor’s office and says “DOCTOR! DOCTOR! You have to help me! Everywhere I touch on my body it hurts!”
The doctor replied, “Show me.”
So the woman poked her ankle and screamed of pain. Then she poked her knee and yelled OW. She poked her forehead and screamed again.
She was about to continue when the doctor said, “That’s enough, let me think this over.” He thought for about a minute and said “I think I know what your problem is. You broke your finger.”
2. A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mail box.
She opened it, slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house and again went to the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”
To which she replied, “There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, “YOU’VE GOT MAIL!”
3. Customer: Waiter, this soup tastes funny.
Waiter: Funny? But then why aren’t you laughing?
Customer: Waiter, there’s a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter: So what do you expect me to do, call the lifeguard
Customer: Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup.
Waiter: That’s all right sir, he won’t drink much.
Customer: Waiter, there’s a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter: Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.
4. “Mama, there’s a man at the door,” said little Johnny.
“He says he’s collecting for senior citizens. Do you think we should hide Grandpa?”
5.Mrs. Peterson went to the doctor: “I’m terribly worried about my boy. He thinks he’s a chicken.”
The doctor asked, “And how long has this been going on?”
“Almost a year,” Mrs. Peterson replied.
“Well for goodness sakes! Why didn’t you bring him to see me sooner?”
“Because we needed the eggs!”
6. The following text messages were exchanged on a cold winters day.
Wife: “Windows frozen.”
Husband: “Pour some warm water over them.”
Wife: “Computer completely screwed up now.”
7. With a frown wrinkling his forehead, little Johnny was working hard at his father’s desk scratching a pen along a page of his paper. His mother asked, “Are you writing a letter to your little girlfriend, Son?”
“Nope,” he grunted, “It’s a letter to myself.”
“Well,” she smiled, “What are you going to write about?”
“How should I know?” he squeaked, “I haven’t received it yet.”
8. Q. What do you call a dog with no legs
A. U dont have to call It anything cause it can't come to u
9. In a dark forest setting
There's a human and a bear
The human wants a warm furry coat
The bear wants a full stomach
A misty fog comes by
After it was gone they both got wat they wanted
The human got his warm furry coat
The bear got his full stomach
If u still don't get it the bear ate the human so he got his full stomach and the human is inside the bear and inside is warm and sorta furry
10. Jerry: “I’ve eaten beef all my life and now I’m as strong as a bull.”
Paul: “That is stupid. I’ve eaten fish all my life and yet I can’t swim a stroke.”
11. The class teacher asks students to name an animal that begins with an E.
One boy says: “Elephant.”
Then the teacher asks for an animal that begins with a T.
The same boys says: “Two elephants.”
The teacher sends the boy out of the class for bad behaviuor. After that she asks for an animal beginning with M.
The boy shouts from the other side of the door: “Maybe an elephant!”
12. Q. Why is the sky so high
A. So that birds don't bump there heads
Added a few more
Last edited by Archermaster; 09-03-2013 at 07:38 PM.
I've seen car insurance commercials with funnier jokes than these...
I'm not exactly the funny type.
All for One, and One for All!
The Brightest of Flames..cast the Darkest of Shadows..
One who knows nothing cannot understand anything..
Joke Teller: Wanna Hear A Clean Joke?
Joke Tellee: Sure.
Joke Teller: A Kid Took A Bsth With Bubbles. Wanna Hear A Dirty Joke?
Joke Tellee: Sure.
Joke Teller: Bubbles Was A Man.
What happens if u try to solo elite red dragon:
Want to know where the treasure is burried? Here ill tell you.... www.thecommunityguild.com/apply.html
Creator Credits go to Extreme.
That invisible cereal lol
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U18VkI0uDxE
and it will help you cheer you up
its good with lime.
ME:Lag
Other:PAPAYA GAGA!
Little Johnny
Teacher: Four crows are on the fence. A farmer shoots one, how many are left?
Little Johnny: None.
Teacher: Listen carefully I repeat, four crows are on the fence, the farmer shoots one, how many are left?
Little Johnny: None.
Teacher: Can you explain that?
Little Johnny: When the farmer shoots one, all the 3 crows that were left fly away, so there's none left.
Teacher: Well that's not correct but I like the way you think.
Little Johnny: Can I ask a question?
Teacher: Sure.
Little Johnny: There are three women standing in front of the ice cream parlor, one is licking, one biting and one sucking the ice cream. Which one is married?
Teacher: The one sucking the ice cream.
Little Johnny: No, the one with wedding ring on, but I like the way you think.
He smart.
When is this ending?
GUESS WHAT DAY IT IS xD?Originally Posted by Mysticaldream
If practice makes perfect and perfection is impossible, why practice?
Oh, wait... No need to practice. iHax.
*waits 5 days later*
Q. How do you make a plumber cry?
A. You kill his family.
Q. What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
A. Where's my tractor?
Q. Why did the little boy drop his icecream cone?
A. He got hit by a bus.
Q. What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
A. The holocaust.
Blonde Joke:
Once a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were stranded on an island 2miles away from the shore. There was no food, clean water, or shelter on the island, so they decided that they might as well die trying to get home, since if they stayed on the island they would most certainly die. So they said their good-byes and good luck wishes, and they started to swim. The redhead got half a mile away from the island before she realized that she wouldn't make it, so she swan back to the island and lived her last day in peace. The brunette got 1 and a half miles out, then got tired and drowned. The blonde got halfway there, decided that she was too tired, and swam back and died on the island :P. Thanks!
IGN Weeegeee
Ooh I got another: Azichiabed is bes burd
OP better answer to us xP
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