Originally Posted by
Solid Scorpion
Like most veterans, I was thrilled when I received the permission to explore the depths of the Hive, where the air quality is as good as durian. It wasn't very easy, desperately clawing your way through eggs the size of research submarines, and most of all, the vulars. So I hereby present THE guide of surviving a Hive expedition.
When we are talking about the Hive, we naturally have to bring up some safety concerns, specifically death by vulars, more specifically death by vular tanks. It's really hard to stay alive when there are bugs lurking around the corners with the size of guest bathrooms, with pincers as sharp as my very sharp potato peeler. According to the UC vular research terminal, the eye of a vular tank is - amazingly true fact - coming right up - 18 inches in diameter. Think about it, think about the sheer size of that eyeball, think of all the pranks you could play if you get your hands on an eyeball like that.
"Well, Mr. and Mrs.Eggnog, here's your new born child!"
"AIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"
But this is not the time for light-hearted humor. This is the time to learn about surviving a vular encounter. Here is what is suggested by various vular safety manuals.
1. Don't panic, remember, the vulars does not necessarily want to eat you. Oh sure they want to eat somebody, but it doesn't have to be you.
2. Scream: "Here! Eat Bob!"
Vular specialists always recommend you to have unpopular party members ready for emergency human sacrifices. However, they do not have to be named Bob. You can just claim they are named Bob, because you are dealing with vulars.
Now we've gone through the procedure of surviving vular encounters, let's go on with the procedure of blowing up eggs (teeheehee). The UC vular research terminals always recommend you to have teammates with you when dealing with this kind of business, but I would not recommend so. I have proof.
Because sooner or later you will come to the understanding that the only 4 commands your teammates understand in terms of this situation are:
1. Shoot that egg.
2. Ouch! no the other egg.
3. Argh! no the OTHER egg over THERE, dammit!
4. Nevermind.
One final advice for you, would be that you and your teammates should ALWAYS go to the restroom before going in. For the old restroom in the infested lab uses a series of complex sewage system, which often involve you seeing a vular head sticking out of the toilet seat. Which is why when you ABSOLUTELY have to go to the restroom during the Hive expedition, you may want to send Bob in there first.
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