Once upon a time, in an SL galaxy.....

**CanonicalKoi** · 09-03-2011, 01:21 PM

Part 1

Setting: a somewhat ostentatious office on the seventh floor of an enormous research facility. A gray-haired gentleman with rather too little hair and much too-thick lenses in his glasses peers at tablet computer and pokes at it ineffectually with a stylus. Suddenly, the door bursts open and a large man in a military uniform, followed by five or six men and women in business attire enter.

“Oh! Hello, General. What a pleasant surprise.”

“‘Surprise”, Dr. Fnortner? You’ve known about this meeting for months. Please tell me this is not going to be the colossal waste of time the last two meetings were.”

“Waste of time? Why, whatever do you mean, General?”

“At the first meeting all you’d talk about was the weather and kept insisting we have some cookies. I couldn’t get a word in edgewise to ask about the project. And I never want to see another Fig Newton. You were unexpectedly “out” when we were supposed to meet last time. Your secretary finally confessed with a little, um, persuasion, that you actually spent the day standing on a toilet in the mens room, hiding.”

“Well, I’m certain it was all just a misunderstanding, and, speaking of weather, have you noticed...”

“Stop right there. Look, Doc, we’ve sunk a metric starship-load of credits into the project. Please, PLEASE tell me that you have something to show for our investment.”

All right then, General. Ladies and gentlemen. Step this way.”

Part 2 follows.....

**CanonicalKoi** · 09-03-2011, 01:22 PM

Part 2

Dr. Fnortner steps into the hall and leads the way to a door marked “Beta-Alpha Project. Keep out unless you have contacted Personnel and placed a copy of your will on file.” He opens the door, revealing a large room that’s been made over into a small movie theatre. The wall facing the door is covered by a plasma screen. Rows of seating extend back almost to the door up a gentle incline. In one corner sits an obviously over-used popcorn machine about half full of stale popcorn. Next to it is a small glass candy counter, oddly containing only large boxes of Peeps. Pink Peeps only.

“Please everyone, be seated. Help yourself to refreshments.”

As everyone settles in, ignoring the proffered “goodies”, the Doctor steps to the side and presses a small yellow button. The screen begins to glow red and, with a soft popping sound, a picture appears. As the picture comes into focus, the scene before them appears to be a military base located on some planet in a back corner of the universe.

“This is our comm-link with the base where the test subjects are being held.”

“You actually have something to show us then?”

“Certainly! We have been working quite hard on this project, but our success rate was abysmal. I really didn’t have anything to show you the last two times, but I think we’re pretty close to success.

Part 3 follows.....

**CanonicalKoi** · 09-03-2011, 01:23 PM

Part 3

“Thus far, we’ve come up with three classes of soldiers for you. Using the comm-link, I can give you a sneak preview of what we have for you and...wait! I forgot to show the cartoon! I always show the cartoon before the main feature and...”

“That’s quite all right, Doc. We’ll take it as given. Carry on; what have you got?”

The Doctor looks a tad crestfallen, sighs and resolutely soldiers on.

“We’ll start with the Commando, I think.”

A few button presses later and the screen shows a barracks full of the largest men and women anyone in the audience has seen. They’re throwing something back and forth and laughing--it appears the camera has caught them in the midst of a rousing game of Keep Away.

“Here you see a few of our Commandos. Immensely strong. Excellent soldiers. Their speciality is heavy weaponry--the bigger the better.”

“When you say “heavy weaponry”, how big are we talking here, Doc?”

“Well, you know the ARC-cannons you use on your gunships?”

“Of course.”

“A Commando would use it as a hand cannon. And he’d probably be disappointed that you couldn’t find him anything larger.

Because of their strength, we can equip them with some pretty heavy armor. Between their bravery, weapons and armor, they will make the finest front-line troops you can imagine.”

“How would they be as officer material?”

“Hmmmmm.....think more “meat shield” and less “General Patton” and you’ll be pretty close.”

Part 4 follows...

**CanonicalKoi** · 09-03-2011, 01:24 PM

Part 4

“All right. What else have you got.”

“We also came up with a group we call Operatives.”

“Well, um, could we see one?”

“You’re seeing one now. That’s what the Commandos are throwing around. Just a sec...HEY! PUT THE OPERATIVE DOWN NOW! GENTLY!”

At the sound of the Doctor’s voice, the Commandos freeze guiltily in place, trying to figure out both where the voice came from and exactly what “gently” means. As they do so, the Op they were tossing hits the floor and.....disappears.

“What the he.....!”

“Relax, General. Ops are very good at blending into their environment. Heaven only knows how the Commandos got their hands on one.

The Operatives are sneaky. Very. And very good with smaller weapons. Now, mind you, the weapons are smaller, but they fire faster. Your average Op has extraordinary dexterity and a keen eye. He can dodge bullets, hack into a computer system and eat a sammich all at the same time.”

“Sounds good. What’s the downside?”

“Being lithe and lightly-built, their armor isn’t exactly wonderful. Dodging and sneakiness will only take you so far in a firefight.....”

As the Doctor continues talking, a Commando suddenly disappears from view. Then another.

“...and...HEY! OP! Those Commandos are on your side! Leave them alone!”

No reply is forthcoming, but no more Commandos disappear.

“So how many of these Ops do you have on hand?”

“We don’t know, really. We think about two dozen. If I showed you their barracks, it would just look like an empty room. Next time we do roll-call, I’ll get you a number.”

“If they’re that good at hiding, how do you count them, Doc?”

“We’ve found the easiest way is to load a few daisy-cutter bombs with tranquilizer darts instead of ball-bearings and drop them on the base. We can usually find them if they’re unconscious.”

Part 5 follows....

**CanonicalKoi** · 09-03-2011, 01:25 PM

Part 5

“Well, you’ve certainly given me some food for thought. Now, what about the last group?”

“Ah! My personal favorite, the Engineers!”

The Doctor presses a few more buttons and another barracks appears. This one is tidy to an extreme point. Long tables run down the center of the room, covered with tablet computers, old print books and other intellectual detritus. We see a group of men and women deep in thought, and numerous debates in hushed tones going on. A second after the picture resolves, the observed room goes silent and every Engineer stares at the camera.

In unison, the Engineers ask,

“To what do we owe the honor of your company?”

“I’ve told you all a little about the General. He’s here with me now to get a look at you.”

“Ah.”

The Engineers return to what they were doing.

“So, basically my old school’s Chess Club on steroids, eh, Doc?”

The Engineers all get pained looks on their faces. The Doctor shoots them a compassionate look.

“No, no, no. Not at all. Look, the Commandos bring strength and bravery to the table. The Ops provide a dash of deviousness. The Engineers, though, are the real brains of the outfit.”

The Engineers look pleased and preen slightly, nodding to one another with knowing looks.

“In fact, our Engineers are *so* highly intelligent that many of their skills are entirely based on the powers of the mind.

As an example, you may not have noticed but there isn’t a single lock anywhere on that base. Why? Simply put, if we had a locked building there, a Commando would batter his way through a wall of it with his head. An Operative would hack his way into the base computer system to give himself access. An Engineer would merely think his way in.

In addition to their offensive role, they can beam healing thoughts at their team and reduce or completely erase any injuries.”

“Wow, Doc! Sounds impressive! Any drawbacks with these guys?”

Much like the Ops, they’re not really built for armor. They have some, but it really doesn’t offer much in the way of protection. Their best protection is to have a strong team of Commandos and Ops to do the dirty work for them.”
The Doctor turns to the screen.

“Thank you all. My deepest apologies for the interruption. Carry on.”

The Engineers look up briefly, give a curt nod to the screen and return to their occupations. The Doctor presses a button and the screen goes dark.

“There you go, General. Any questions?”

“I’d really like to know how you found these people.”

“Well, we created them, really. We found people with a natural bent for strength, sneakines or intelligence and then we boosted their natural gifts with, frankly, a ton of pharmaceuticals. In fact, we had to tone things down a bit--for example, we kept losing Ops because they were *so* sneaky they kept doing in their teammates.”

“Any chance of cross-training any of these guys, Doc? Say, making an Engineer out of a Commando?”

“Not really. Not yet, at any rate. Once they’ve been turned into, say, a Commando, their natural bent is to strength and bravery. Commandos aren’t stupid, really, it’s just that intellectual pursuits are not where their interests or their, for lack of a better word, strengths lie. Maybe someday...yes, that *would* be an interesting experiment. Perhaps if we reduced the Quadra-benzoid-4 quotient....”

Doctor Fnortner wanders from the theatre with a dreamy look in his eye, mumbling to himself.

(I really need to stop waking up at 3am....)