Cool idea. The format reads more like a screenplay or set of stage notes than a story though. If you do plan to continue writing this, I'd recommend posting it on a site like figment or fanfiction.net (I'd advise figment, FF.net has a rather annoying update system). If you want any other advice, feel free to PM me. I've been writing a novelization of Star Legends over the past few months, and have learned a lot about the writing process in doing so. Best of luck in writing your story!